Maybe we can be great friends!

Family game night makes Caroline so happy.  Even so, she is perpetually on the hunt for friends. I have come to accept that my daughter’s yearning will forever hurt my heart; and at the same time, it propels me to keep searching for places where friends are made. 

Recently, we learned about a gathering for adults with disabilities called Super Saturday. Volunteers from a local church show up each month to serve lunch along with karaoke and dancing. Caroline and I attended our first Super Saturday last, well yea, Saturday. We registered on Thursday and for the next 48 hours, Caroline probably asked me 12 times if she was going to find new friends. I assured her that she would, but what the hell did I know? I had never been to a Super Saturday.

We were greeted by sweet, smiling ladies and proceeded to find a seat in a room reminiscent of a school cafeteria that doubles as a theater. Karaoke was underway, complete with a stage, four microphones, and massive speakers. Disney tunes boomed and bounced from the floor to the glass ceiling, and into my eardrums with the wake of a headache. We found a table with only two other people and motioned as if to say, “May we join you?”

Determined to show up for Caroline, I damned my headache, yelled across the table, and introduced ourselves to Carla and her caregiver Cindy. I don’t think Carla could hear us, but as soon as Caroline affixed her nametag, she stood up and said to our table mates, “I’m Caroline. Maybe we can be great friends.”

A smile sprawled across Carla’s face and with that, she began to sing over the Disney tunes, “Sweeeet Caroline! Good times never seemed so good.”

I clapped, Caroline beamed, and Carla said, “Neil Diamond. Do you like Neil Diamond? Do you like to color? Do you like bowling? I like Neil Diamond and coloring and bowling.”

Carla and Caroline discussed bowling for a few minutes and then Caroline turned to assess her surroundings. She saw an opportunity that she wasn’t going to let pass her by. On the back of a piece of paper meant for coloring, she neatly wrote her name and phone number, and she was off. She began to work the room as if she were running for office. She stopped at every table introducing herself, inquiring about the potential for a friendship, and writing down the phone numbers of those who could recite theirs.

Television shows like Friends, Seinfeld, and The Big Bang Theory set the bar high for what friendship looks like. They depict a setting where the characters are in such constant contact with each other that no one needs to ask, “What’s new?” They maintain an ongoing narrative that keeps them current with the lives of their friends. This lets them focus not on their friends’ stories, but on how their stories affect their lives. That’s Hollywood’s depiction of a friend group.

We live in a culture that prioritizes efficiency, output, and achievement. So in the real obstacle course of life, few people have the luxury of spontaneous game nights, unplanned meetups at the coffee shop, or knowing you can walk right through your friend’s door and help yourself to some Frosted Flakes.    

I know Caroline is not alone in her desire – the desire to have people you call to come over for pizza, the people you text about silly happenings, the people you sit beside when one of you is hurting, the people who know your story and love you even more because of it.

We all have a biological need for social interaction, intimate connection, and a feeling that we matter in the lives of others. I don’t know about you, but I have wasted years not knowing my neighbors or colleagues well enough to help myself to their cereal stash.

At Super Saturday, Caroline showed me that friends don’t necessarily find you. We have to get up, go out, and find our people. And then we must invest in not only knowing their story, but how those events are impacting them and the people they love. I used to think I didn’t have time to make friends, but as it turns out, friendship gives us a sustainable energy that I call the biology of joy. It’s an energy that has the power to increase our performance at work, and in life.

We just have to begin.
Get up, go out, and seek to hear the stories that determine people’s beliefs, actions, fears, and dreams. 

Today’s Talk to the Brain Tip™ is to:

Be a friend.
Invest in learning not only peoples’ stories, but how their stories are impacting their lives. 

It’s paying off for Caroline…..guess who had lunch together this week?

This is Caroline and Carla sharing stories about Neil Diamond, coloring, bowling, and more!

If you would like to hear more about our journey, my promise to Caroline, and the power of human connection, check out my TEDx Talk: Is Our Pleasure Killing Our Joy?