I was a little girl who wanted nothing more than to have long, bouncing hair like Jan Brady.
But my mom told me, “Your hair is thin. You can’t have long hair.” So, every six weeks, I was summoned to the kitchen stool. With a Merit 100 dangling from her lips, my mom would take scissors and a rattail comb to my hair. Between puffs of smoke, she remarked several times, “Your hair is a nice ash. The color is ash.”
I didn’t want to have shaggy-ash hair. I wanted long locks that I could adorn with ribbons and bows. But a girl can dream, so I created a pastime. I would pull my red and blue crocheted poncho up over my head and toss it around behind me as I sang I’ve Got You, Babe, to our dog. I pretended that our Boxer was Sonny Bono, smiling back at me as if I was the most gorgeous creature on earth.
Why was long, silky hair so important to me?
Because I wanted to be pretty.
When you look good, people tell you. We are congratulated for weight loss, youthful skin, stylish clothes, and luscious hair.
When we compliment someone’s beauty or their ability to avoid simple carbs, we make them feel good in the moment. With a hit of serotonin, they feel a boost of confidence and are then motivated by dopamine to earn more of the same. Enter Botox, Ozempic, spray tans, and Nieman Marcus. I’m not criticizing any of these choices; I’m merely pointing out that when we focus on beauty, it becomes the priority.
Or, as the story goes, the wolf that wins is the one you feed.
Imagine if you will, a world where your brain has no response to aesthetics. How would you express admiration and offer praise? I believe you would be hyper-aware of character and spirit.
Are you up for a challenge? For the next 10 days, tell the people in your life what you admire about their perspective, personality, dedication, or effort.
Today’s Talk to the Brain™ Tip is to:
Celebrate Character
Look for attributes you respect in others and express them with words. When we praise character traits, it gives people confidence in something that they can nurture and develop. This shift from outer beauty to inner quality helps people believe in themselves. Their confidence becomes rooted in something that they can possess forever.
Just imagine a world where we praise vulnerability, accountability, courage, and commitment. It’s a world where we stop tying our value to weight loss, gym hours, and dazzling skin and hair.
We strive to propagate what others celebrate.
By the way, I remember the last time my mom gave me a DIY kitchen stool haircut. The scissors suddenly dropped to the floor as she uttered, “Oops,” and I yelled, “Ouch!” Mom had taken a chunk out of my hair and a tiny snip of my ear. I grabbed the mirror and screeched, “You gave me an ash-hole!”
She leaned down and lovingly kissed away the hurt as her long, silky hair spilled onto my shoulders.
I hope this story made you smile, laugh, and think about how we can change the world.
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