I was reminded last week, right in the middle of the workshop I was conducting. It wasn’t planned; it just came spewing from my gut, across my tongue, and into the microphone.
To a single participant named Jasmine I said,
“Oh, I want to hug you. Can I give you a hug?”
It was a moment the GenZers of the world would call cringe. But there was no stopping what bubbled out of my heart because when Jasmine stood up to share, she began by saying these words:
My throat constricted. My heart rate quickened. A current was pulling me to this gentle, soft-spoken stranger when, into the big ballroom, the awkward words spilled out:
You can’t take back what you blow into a microphone. Trust me, I’ve tried.
Fortunately, with dewy eyes and a warm smile, Jasmine agreed to the hug.
As I reflected on this moment, I knew I wanted to share it with you. You see, my urge to take Jasmine into my arms was created by powerful biochemistry. It was a neuropsychological response (primarily oxytocin, vasopressin, and serotonin) that helps us make space for love.
It’s called empathy, our ability to feel others’ emotions. Empathy is crucial to building strong bonds among humans. The empathy molecules can reduce cravings, anxiety, and depression. Empathy can make us feel joy, connection, comfort, and generosity.
Have you ever been to a fundraiser where you didn’t plan to raise your number and make such a generous donation? That was empathy overload in your brain. The premier marketers of the world know this!
It was just like when I found myself in front of a large audience asking one woman if I could hug her. The empathy response instantly flooded my brain because I understand epilepsy. Uncontrolled epileptic seizures can cause neurocognitive and psychiatric disorders. Even in the best cases, epileptic seizures are controlled by a recipe of prescription drugs that act like warm tar coating the brain. AEDs (Anti-epileptic drugs) make every sentence, every movement, every decision an enormous amount of work.
Isn’t that some bullshit for life?
Even so, I didn’t always have empathy for families affected by epilepsy. I wasn’t empathetic because I was too focused on fighting this atrocious condition, fighting for my daughter, fighting for my family. I was managing grief and anxiety that overloaded my body with the stress hormone cortisol. My journey is not exceptional. I bet you can relate.
And therein lies my message to you: Stress impacts empathy. Yep. Cortisol can smack down our ability to feel oxytocin and serotonin, leaving us a stressed out, emotionless machine, incapable of tender, trusting connection.
Again, some bullshit for life right?
Even though empathy is key to nurturing strong bonds, it is in jeopardy today, slowly leaking from our culture, at work and in life. As a society, we are more anxious and more stressed out than ever before. We are more determined and better equipped to combat emotions rather than feel them. This means that the stress hormone cortisol is pulsing on high, blocking our capacity for empathy.
Many of us see ourselves as victims of stress. This mindset makes us powerless. We tend to use macro and micro pleasure stacking to cope with stress, but these habits don’t alleviate it.
What can minimize our stress?
Today’s Talk to the Brain™ Tip is
Be Generous
Rather than combatting your stress with caffeine, cardio, or Candycrush, invest in your happiness by being generous.
Call someone and find out not simply what’s going on, but how it’s affecting their life. This investment into people over pleasure gives us sustainable energy and reduces our stress hormones. There is no need to donate your 401k to research. No need to even open your wallet.
You can buy happiness by investing your time and opening your heart.
“We have the greatest capacity for joy, not by having people around, but by letting them in.”
I hope this story made you smile, laugh, and think about how we can change the world.
With love and cheers,
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