The Compliment Sandwich

I won’t ever forget the first time I heard the term compliment sandwich. My associate sales rep had just finished a competitive presentation and we were driving back across the territory toward home.

He waited for my feedback until I broke the silence with some kind of B.S. comment like, “You did a nice job of connecting with the members of the panel.” I was ready to offer some more worthless “attaboy” comments when he interjected and said, “Don’t give it to me in a compliment sandwich. Just tell me where I screwed up.”

I am forever grateful that this hungry, passionate young sales rep challenged my coaching strategy. Since that time, I have studied a lot about how the brain prefers to receive feedback. When it comes to evaluating, we can tactically Talk to the Brain™! It is human nature to offer up the good news, the compliments first. Then we awkwardly add the areas for improvement topped off with more compliments, thinking it will sweeten the bitter notes of criticism. But compliment sandwiches are not received in the manner they are intended. When the brain knows it is facing an unpleasant interaction, it remains focused on getting there and getting it over with. When we begin a coaching or teaching conversation with the hoorahs, the intended listener is not even listening.

What’s even more telling is that in a study shared in Psychology Today, a whopping 78% of us prefer to receive bad news first. Giving the good news first does not lessen the blow of a harsh critique. So what does?

The easiest way for the brain to solve for pain is to declare action. Changing the way we receive and process information can certainly be achieved through meditation, therapy, or practiced intentions, but a clear, achievable action plan delights the brain instantly.

The feedback strategy that I share with teams is more of a salad-entree-dessert technique. With a compliment sandwich (good news, bad news, good news), dopamine keeps the mind anticipating the criticism while cortisol challenges the ability to focus in the moment.

Today’s Talk to the Brain™ Tip is a more effective way to provide feedback to associates, colleagues, and family members!

1. Provide the opportunities for improvement clearly. Offer ways to make the changes as opposed to simply pointing out what was wrong or weak. SALAD
2. Being as specific as possible, share the unique strengths and value the person brings to the team. ENTREE
3. Create the vision. When the suggested improvements are made and combined with the valuable strengths, the results will be extraordinary. DESSERT

The third step is crucial — it is dessert for the brain in the form of a serotonin rain shower. Serotonin gives us confidence and motivates us to stay focused and take risks.

So ditch that sandwich and bring your team a three-course meal that will fuel them for greatness!

With love and cheers,

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